Senior year. A time of many lasts, but a time of preparation for the future. The looming knowledge that college application deadlines are right around the corner, scholarships will be given to some but not to all, and a difficult coursework year seeks to amplify my anxieties. The reality that the season of life that I have been preparing for for the last three years is finally upon me. A season which I have prayed for for over two years, and discussed since I was in the fifth grade.
One season of life that defines the path for my future.
No big deal, right?
Anxiety has been a struggle of mine since I was in the seventh grade. It looked like a constant worry over what other people thought of me, what would happen in the future because of the decisions I make now, and what could potentially go awry if I did not take action right this moment. My life consisted of a constant overanalysis of my situation, a constant worry over every aspect of the problem in which I was facing and what would come of it.
School was no exception. In fact, until yesterday, I did not realize how much of my anxiety is still placed upon my education. And how much of an idol my grades have been in my life for the last seven years.
My mentor and I sat in a coffee shop, chatting about everything under the sun. I told her that I was having a difficult time choosing whether or not to drop one of my AP coursework classes for this year (keep in mind that I am dual enrolled in college, and signed up for two AP classes on top of my college coursework). I feared that if I dropped one of my AP classes, my GPA would not be as high and I would not maintain my academic class ranking.
In that moment, I realized how much pride and priority that I was placing in my grades.
I was a junior marshal, I have a 4.5 GPA and I have taken seven AP classes thus far in my high school career. I have received two “B”s (both in math classes because I am NOT mathematically inclined) and the rest “A” grades. I have completed special academic programs and a ton of other fancy sounding academic stuff.
But not a single one of those things saved me from my sin and redeemed me back into a relationship with my Heavenly Father.
As I rattled off my concerns over my upcoming coursework to my mentor, she looked at me and said one thing that resounded with my heart:
“God is going to send you where He needs you to go. There is not a single thing that you can do that will change the plan that He has for you. He will get you where you need to go.”
Do you know how many tears I have shed over my grades? It may sound silly, but I have truly determined much of my emotional well being based upon the status of where my grades stand. You may be the same situation, but it could look a bit different for you: the status of a relationship, a friendship(s), a job, a social media following, a bank account, approval from peers, etc. The status of all of these things in comparison to where we desire for them to be determines our state of satisfaction. When they don't reach our expectations, anxiety creeps in and we are left in a constant state of worry and fear.
But God set a plan for each of our lives. He has complete control and there is not a thing that we can do about the amount of power that He has over the path of our lives.
So what if we let go of the control that we perceive to have over our situation, and pass off the control to the only One who truly has it?
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” - Proverbs 3:5-6
My mentor went on to discuss Nehemiah and how she was in awe of him. She was amazed at how he pursued his works for the Lord. Nehemiah would pray to the Lord over each action that he was about to take. Nehemiah put in the work, but He put the control in God's hands. The products of his works were plentiful and protected because Nehemiah entrusted God with the end result.
Imagine the peace that Nehemiah had in knowing that he ultimately had no control over the product of his works. Nehemiah knew that God’s will would be done, and he trusted that God was completely in control of what was to come. He faced opposition and trials knowing that God would provide what he needed to face it.
So what if we stopped worrying about what is to come and entrusted that God’s will will be done, regardless of our own understanding of the current situation?
We would be more like Jesus and that should be our ultimate goal. Not the dream car, the dream house, the dream boy or the dream school. But to be as trusting in our Lord as our Savior was when He was being crucified on the cross for our sins.
“Here I am
All my intentions
All my obsessions
I want to lay them all down
In Your hands.” - “Control” by Tenth Avenue North
All I can do now is say “Here I am, God.”. Wherever I end up going to college is where God intended for me to go. His will will be done whether it is written down in my pretty pink agenda or not. I will fill out numerous college applications, scholarship essays and complete many class assignments in this upcoming season of life. But I know now that I have no control over what comes of them, I just need to trust that God will provide fruit from my works and direct me on the path in which He desires for me to be led upon.
I`m laying down my pride, here and now, and placing my full trust in His hands.
Let's set aside our pride and give the control to God. Let’s allow God to defeat the anxiety that plagues our hearts, our minds and our souls. Let’s trust that God`s will be done, and let's praise Him for all that He is going to do.
“Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To open my hands up
And give You control
I give You control” - “Control” by Tenth Avenue North
Let us lift up our hands in surrender to our King. Let us declare His victory over anxiety and our freedom given to us through the death of Jesus Christ on the cross.
Logan is a missionary, coffee enthusiast, student, restaurant hostess and blogger. You`ll find her at the nearest locally-owned coffee shop with a latte in hand and a Bible study in the other. She loves writing and serving the Lord through childrens ministry, and she is studying to become a social worker. To follow Logan`s walk with Christ, follow her blog (www.withlovefromlogan.com) and follow her on instagram @withlovefromlogan